


Ice Giant

by mug_of_tea



Series: Juno Steel and The Invisible Illness [2]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Juno has Chronic Pain, Near Drowning, Negative Self Talk, One Shot, Other, Referenced Past Suicidal Thoughts, Stitches, Vomiting, Whump, a situation wrongly perceived as a suicide attempt, author has chronic pain, set vaguely during season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mug_of_tea/pseuds/mug_of_tea
Summary: "Neptune is an ice giant planet, a well known fact though not one Juno Steel had ever put much time into pondering before.Of course when you're face to face with something it tends to become more relevant. For example, the fact that Neptune was an ice giant meant that Juno was currently fucking freezing.Another fact, Juno's case of chronic pain had a couple of allies in the fight to make Juno miserable: red meat, the old ratty desk chair he used to use and any temperatures below mild.As such, Juno was currently laid out on the floor, feeling as though the cold had literally frozen his joints into place and incredibly angry at his body for collapsing in such an uncomfortable position."While on Neptune, Juno Steel returns to his and Nureyev's hotel room alone to deal with the fallout of a cold induced chronic pain flare up.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: Juno Steel and The Invisible Illness [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824082
Comments: 6
Kudos: 101





	Ice Giant

**Author's Note:**

> This is a stand alone one shot you don't need to read any other fics in the collection to understand it.  
> This has been sitting in my wips for far too long so I've pulled it together as best I can and here it is, Thankyou to the lovely Rab for reading through it for me, hope you enjoy!

Neptune is an ice giant planet, a well known fact though not one Juno Steel had ever put much time into pondering before. 

Of course when you're face to face with something it tends to become more relevant. For example, the fact that Neptune was an ice giant meant that Juno was currently fucking freezing.

Another fact, Juno's case of chronic pain had a couple of allies in the fight to make Juno miserable: red meat, the old ratty desk chair he used to use and any temperatures below mild.

As such, Juno was currently laid out on the floor, feeling as though the cold had literally frozen his joints into place and incredibly angry at his body for collapsing in such an uncomfortable position.

But fibromyalgia was just like that sometimes and Juno didn't know how long it had been since he had stumbled into his and Nureyev’s hotel room and proceeded to collapse on the floor when a jolt of pain ran up his leg, pain did funny things to time, when Juno checked his watch it informed him it had been around ten minutes. Which meant it was time to put on his big girl boots and move.

He had dropped his comms when he had fallen and going towards it would mean moving away from the bathroom and more importantly, his hardcore pain meds.

It really didn't seem like a choice and Juno began crawling towards the bathroom, the carpet scratching at his sensitive skin as it quickly became more him using his forearms to drag the rest of himself along. He grimaced but continued to slowly drag himself. When you have legs that will collapse under you, crawling becomes a skill you have to learn. Sometimes sitting there in order to preserve your pride simply didn’t do anything. Or at least that's what Juno repeated to himself as he felt the shame rise in his stomach as he imagined someone walking in. 

Because there was a kind of degradation in it, no matter how many times he was forced to do it, no matter how much he reasoned it, the cold reality of his chest and thighs being dragged along the floor as he put all of his effort into getting across a room always stung. With pain came brain fog and with that came old thought patterns. Maybe someday he would be able to think kindly in these moments of weakness, but that felt so far away from the embarrassment and self loathing of now. 

Once he was in the bathroom grabbing the medicine bag off the counter would have been easy were it not for how his shoulder ached as he raised his hand to snatch them.

His hands were sore and almost refused to bend. He was holding a bottle of relief and he couldn't open it. There wasn’t anything to do, Nureyev wouldn’t be back for at least an hour and calling anyone would mean dragging himself back to his comms and his stomach dropped just thinking about it. 

So he pushed through the pain, each ridge of the bottle pulling at the muscles in his palm. His eyes blurred as tears filled them. It felt pathetic, but he couldn’t stop; the pain stretched it out minute after minute. Eventually he was even sure he was turning the top anymore and grabbed the base with two hands and used his teeth pliers to press down and turn and pry.

When the lid popped he couldn’t make himself care at how half of them scattered across the floor simply poured some of what was left into his hand before counting

23, the number passes by. He knows what it means. He has been here before brain struggling to count pills, a voice whispering in the back of his mind 

A couple more and it would never hurt again.

He had looked up how many it would take years ago, almost regretted it, now he thought of 23 whenever it was bad. But if he's being honest he isn't sure if he looked it up to make sure he didn't, or to make sure he did.

Nowadays 23 was a passing thought, a stumble in his neurons that reminded him of all the times he almost didn’t get back up. The problem was that with his head so clouded he couldn’t remember the other number, the correct one. He sat there staring at the small pills in his hand but his vision blurred with the thrumming in his skull. His free hand pushed across his eyes putting pressure on the sockets. 

More than 1 less than 23.  
More than 1 less than 23.  
More than 1 less than 23.

But repeating things didn’t make his mind any clearer and thinking of that number was making him sick with the shadow of memories. He dumped some of the pills back into the bottle and dry swallowed what was left in his hand and shook his head, as if he could shake off the thoughts too.

He regretted it immediately, he was light headed and the shaking made it feel as though his brain was slamming into the inside of his skull. He could feel bile in his throat and looked at the roof praying he could keep it down at least long enough for the meds to kick in.

His vision was blurry at the edges, a side effect of the growing headache he assumed as he continued to stare at the harsh white of the ceiling as it faded to black.

* * *

His eyelids felt glued together when he woke up. The meds had numbed his aches a little but the hard cabinet he had fallen asleep against and the tile below him had done enough damage that it wasn’t much relief.

His vision was still blurry at the edges when he reached for the bath tap, turning on the water almost scaldingly hot. He was folded over the lip of the tub catching his breath. He breathed in the steam with relief as the vapour hit his skin beginning to heat it.

Next step, taking clothes off, it was never easy, hands too stiff and sore to hold onto zips or buttons, but what always made it easier was the urge to get all the itching fabric about 100 metres away from his sensitive and aching skin. So layers were pulled back until he couldn’t keep pushing leaving him in socks which were too far to reach and a wrap dress whose tight knot was not worth the effort for such loose fabric. He’d just have to pay Buddy back for it if it got ruined.

Eventually the bathtub was full and he managed to close the tap, not bothering to hide his wince as his stiff finger joints had to clench around the awkward shape to twist it closed.

Of course the hard part came next. 

It’s a very particular sensation. The feeling of being acutely aware of where your kneecap is, and how distinctly it disapproves of your choices. In this exact moment it disagreed with being knelt on, but most of his body was rejecting Juno’s marked effort to stand. In the end he toppled rather than stepped into the bath, cursing whoever decided hotel bathrooms without handrails were legal.

The steam continued to pour off the water in waves of heat, the water itself burning Juno’s skin and it was magnificent. He moaned from the relief of the heat that felt like it was seeping into his bones, his joints loose without the weight of artificial gravity pushing them against each other.

He let his spine relaxed into the curve of the warm ceramic and took a deep breath as the haze covered his vision again

* * *

Juno woke up to his own gasping breath and a very concerned Peter Nureyev. His partner was holding his back and arm as if he was holding Juno out of the water. It was only when Juno felt the weight of his wet hair, the droplets rolling down his face and his wet cough that he realised, Nureyev was not just holding him up, he had pulled him out.

Peter looked frantic, he was steady in his hold on Juno though it may have been a little tight but his eyes were flickering around the room as if scrambling to find out what to do. His voice was strained as he spoke, desperation was breaking through what Juno could only assume was an attempt at solidity.

“Juno, Juno, you idiot, you said you wouldn’t leave me again, you have to breathe for me”

The sentence never really ended, it just continued a long stream of concern and requests. If just hearing Nureyev so fractured hadn’t snapped him straight into the land of the conscious the words themselves might have pulled him out anyway.

“Leave....wha-” His lungs burned as he pushed himself forward to hack up the rest of the water he had swallowed. Eyes widening when he saw the bath water had turned a familiar pink colour. When had he started bleeding, had he really fallen that hard into the tub.

The meds and warm water had worked, the pain was still there but it was in the background numbed out, but his mind was coming back to him. And Nureyev’s panic started making sense. Spilled pill bottle, blood in water, the long sleeves of his dress and if he had been under…

He opened his mouth to tell Peter he hadn't, that he wouldn't but instead of his voice he was met with bile which he managed to cough up into the toilet bowl next to him and not over his own legs.

Well experience had some perks.

Peter was still there supporting him, but one of his hands smoothed over his back as Juno hung half out of the bath. Juno wanted more than anything to reassure him but he could barely find room to breathe between the heaves. But he strained anyway, pushing one arm down so he could latch one hand with the one Peter was using to support him and squeezed. He hoped it was enough.

Peter had gone quiet, and Juno was near overwhelmed with worry but eventually his bile ran dry even as he continued to heave but he was managing to breathe more between the convulsions. Peter held him gently as he helped him out of the tub and laid down a towel for him to sit on next to the toilet and drew a second around Juno’s shoulder.

“I swear I didnt-” he coughed looking up weakly to Nureyev who had retaken up rubbing Juno’s back, now over the towel sitting next to him on the floor. “I didn't try to, I don't want to...” The words came out frantic even though his stomach had settled into less violent coughing fits.

“If you say you didn’t I trust you, we can talk about what happened-” Nureyev’s shaky but determination filled words were cut off by another coughing fit and when Juno met his eyes again he was met with a sad smile. “When you’re more up for talking love, for now short answers should serve well enough dear detective” reaching over with a wet towelette gently cleaning Juno’s face.

The more he focused on it the more Juno realised his throat really was on fire,which seemed almost cruel when ice had gotten him here in the first place. Short answers were probably best. Juno gave a slow nod to Nureyev, trying not to shake his skull more than it had already been. Nureyev nodded back before he began his questions.

“Okay, do you know where you’re bleeding?” A simple question, but not one Juno knew how to approach, he wasn’t even sure when he got hurt, everything stung so much before… it was probably when he slipped but- He pulled his thoughts back, Peter had said where which meant the answer was… 

“No” Nureyev nodded and Juno could almost watch Nureyev sort the information before he asked his next question.

“Does anywhere hurt?” the detectives voice in Juno’s head piped up that that was a good question to ask someone who seemed dazed, he might not know he was bleeding but he might know where he was hurting.The human voice started panicking because oh god he didn't, he was literally bleeding and he couldn’t feel anything wrong, why couldn’t he and then it clicked. 

“I took my meds I can't-”

“That’s fine, Can I check you over?” When Juno nodded again, Peter took those same soft hands and started checking him over. Peter’s fingers made quick delicate work of the dresses tie Juno had so much trouble with, stripping it off and wrapping a soft warm towel around his shoulders in its places, checking over his arms first and then his legs, eventually finding the tear in his skin over his knee.

Realising the coughing wasn't forcing him to fold anymore, Juno settled, pulling the towel tighter around himself as Peter pulled out a small med kit and began to clean the wound. The silence from before returned but this was more comfortable albeit with more antibacterial stinging. Still Juno managed to slow his breathing like Rita had taught him years ago, it always helped to watch Nureyev work even if he had to make sure he didn't look too low and catch sight of the blood.

“Well my dear, it appears stitches are necessary, I can call Vespa if you’d prefer, but I’d be-”

“You please” the words came out small and embarrassed, he was already having to avoid thinking about explaining things to Peter, if Vespa saw then she would want to know too.

“Very well, Apologies for how this is going to feel”

As much as his meds numbing him out had caused a number of issues, he couldn't help but feel relieved when he felt the pressure of the needle on his knee but the sharpness felt almost fuzzy at the edges.

By the time Nureyev had covered the stitched wound and had it bandaged, Juno was breathing deeply and Nureyev’s hands were shaking. Juno reached out to him grasping his hands with his own. When Peter looks up his cheeks are stained with tears.

“I’m here Nureyev, I promise I’m not going anywhere” and Peter folded resting his head on Juno’s shoulder as his own shake.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t be crying now, there's things to do I can't-”

“They can wait, I’m all patched up good as new promise, warranty on me was voided ages ago don’t have to worry bout that” Peter’s shoulder shook harder for a second but Juno could hear the soft chuckle that caused it.

“You’re an idiot Juno Steel” he sighed.

“No way I’m infallible Nureyev haven't you heard?” Juno couldn’t help but smile when he got a second laugh from him.

He gave Peter a moment there, The position was awkward but he ran a hand through his hair and the other over his back before he felt some new tiredness start to rise in his limbs.

“Why don't we head to bed, so I can fuss over you properly my love?” Peter stretched up to kiss Juno on the forehead already standing before he answered.

He helped Juno to his feet letting him put his weight on his forearm as he would his cane and took him to the bed. Juno slipped on a pair of soft pants that were laying on the bed, probably Nureyev’s doing when he came in to check on him and laid down on the bed. Peter followed him moments later having changed into shorts and one of Juno’s tshirts and curled up to him.

They let it be quiet for long enough, just holding each other, that when Juno spoke it came out as a whisper.

“I’m sorry I scared you”

Nureyev sighed, and rested his forehead against Juno’s. Quietly he grabbed the towel which had been abandoned on the bed and started slowly drying Juno’s hair. Nureyev pulled up and kissed his forehead before finally responding.

“I was terrified, but I am much more glad that you are here now, rest now love, we’ll talk about it when you’re feeling up to it. I love you Juno Steel”

And that was enough for now, and Nureyev held on a little tighter that night, Juno pressed in just a little closer too.

**Author's Note:**

> please please if you ever nearly drown go to a doctor, there's a lot of things that can happen after that require medical know how to fix, I am assuming for this that Nureyev has basic first aid training, that he posed as a lifeguard or doctor at some point or just learnt these things to use on himself. **Please seek professional help if you ever nearly drown.**


End file.
